I’m wearing my winter coat indoors. This pretty much sums up where I’m at right now. Too tired, too lazy to change out of my church clothes and into comfy sweats for the rest of the evening. JD was away for the weekend, camping it up with the teens. I would be insanely jealous except I imagine it’s probably cold in Eastern Oregon and well, that’s reason enough not to be insanely jealous I suppose. This way I’m cold in my house, with my winter coat on.
I didn’t set out to blog. I wanted to waste time. To rest, and sit and be before the load(s) of laundry need to be folded and sleeping girls wake. The house could use a picking up, but let’s remember that I’m still wearing a coat indoors. I decided to blog because it’s good to write, even when you don’t know where you’re headed.
My girls… my beautiful and wild girls… are mostly responsible for this exhaustion. I could blame the avacado sized bebe growing in my belly, but I’m pretty sure it’s the children outside utero who are cause for blank stares in a quiet house. I took the girls to an indoor swim meet yesterday, to watch my brothers – in – law swim their high school districts. They’re crazy fast and studly and giant. But toddlers anywhere right now are exhausting, let a lone in an enclosed building with a large pool in the center. Even with help from JD’s aunt.
It’s wearing on me a bit, this privilege and responsibility of parenting. The girls are at an overwhelming age/stage, demanding constant discipline and attention. If I want to accomplish something in the house, they must be asleep or watching a show. They now have wills and voices and power and my ability to demand first time obedience is waning. I find myself doing what I swore, when El was 14 months old, that I would never do. Repeating and repeating. Because I’m tired. And they’re smart. The stakes are higher now.
I am an overthinker.
Issues used to be about sleep and getting them to do it. Now one doesn’t take a nap and the other escapes. I suppose some of our issues are still about sleep. But they are also about sass and friendship and sharing and being kind and not saying “stupid” and authority – good golly is that one tricky. Hello, let me introduce you to the world of a three and a half year old. And the young one, her issues are smaller, but first time obedience… sixth time obedience… well, we’re working on obedience.
And I am tired.
Because I have another one growing.
In the three and a half years I’ve been a parent, there is only one thing I know to be true when I get stuck in parenting. God has equipped us for this task. God is teaching me. God is sustaining me. God knows my kids. God knows me. God is not angry or disappointed or frustrated with me. God loves me and my kids and my husband. God will guide us through these parenting milestones. God is their Savior and not me or JD. And when I need it, God will lead me step by step day by day. He’s done it before. He’ll do it again.
It’s time to pick up my husband. I am sooo glad he’s home.